I don't even know if disappointment is the right word. I am definitely disappointed but it goes so much deeper than that. I'm hurt, angry, sad but most of all one of my dreams was taken away from me. What is this dream? Well, it was a job or more importantly to me it was more of a career.
The job I have now is a job. I really don't see it as a career. I could definitely do it for a long time and have (in my 10th year) but this job that I wanted was definitely a career move for me. It's at my current place of employment and it was a step up from what I am doing now. I really wanted this job. There is not much turnover in the area so I have been waiting for a long time to get my chance and that chance came up recently.
There were 6 candidates of which I was one. There were 2 openings. I thought my chances were good but deep down my insecurities were getting the best of me and I really didn't think I had a shot. On paper I am extremely well qualified. I have been preparing myself over the last 9 years to do this job by taking on extra responsibilities to make sure that I was qualified. I went back to school to get my paralegal certificate to bump the legal side that I would need. Part of my schooling allowed me to do an internship at work that gave me some hands on experience. I thought I was welll prepared. I thought my interview went well but apparently it did not. I was not offered the position. I lost out to someone who was not nearly as qualified nor had anywhere near the time in. One person who got one of the positions is great. I am happy for her, she deserved it.
I am having a really hard time with this. They told me I was over confident, that I came into the interview like I expected the position yet I didn't sell myself. I also didn't give the "right" answer to a questions that I apparently misinterpreted but then was told that there were no right or wrong answers. It's so hard to interview internally. 2 people on the interview are my supervisors, one current, one former, both know what I am capable of and it just doesn't matter.
I used to think that working hard and doing a good job meant something. Apparently I was wrong.