Do you ever have those days where you question everything you have ever done? I am having one of those days. I sit here and look back on my life and I second guess every decision I have ever made. I think about what I could have done differently, what I should have done differently and wonder if I had done those things would my life be different. I know that this behavior is not productive but right now I am caught up in a crappy cycle of self doubt, self loathing and insecurity.
My insecurities are getting the best of me lately. I can't shake the feeling that everyone is going to leave me, espicially my husband. Not quite sure where this comes from other than past relationship failures and just more overall insecurities.
I think about all of the friendships I have let slide over the years and then feel bad because I really don't have any real close friendships. I don't really feel like I can call anyone up and whine and cry about how I feel so I do it here. My anxieties get the best of me and I shut down, I isolate myself, I lash out at my husband and try to test him to see if he will run. I don't know how he has put up with me this far.
I hate these craptastic days.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
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3 comments:
Hey, be nice to my friend Kristie! :) Go easy on yourself - it's so easy to look back and wonder, but life must be lived moving forward. Easier said than done, I know.
Hang in there - I hope tomorrow is better. Hugs.
I agree! Be nice to my friend!
That being said, since I'm driving my husband crazy right now I really relate. Let's do coffee for real and we can comiserate about our anxieties together and give our men a break. I'll send you a message!
You can always call me, sweetie. I've been there. And be good to yourself--you're worth it, even if you don't always think so. Here's something important to keep in mind: our feelings do not always reflect the reality of the situation. If I've learned anything in therapy, it's that.
And I'm serious about that phone call. Anytime: 763-535-9954. You DO have friends, and we love you. {{HUGS}} Remember we were going to try to get together before you go to Hawaii anyway. :-)
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